I Don't Want Your Heart
by smaragdbird
Summary: Thranduil cannot love Kili. Kili doesn't care. (Kili/Thranduil)


"I cannot love you," Thranduil said, his expression a curious mixture of pity and apathy.

Kili hadn't been expecting love, but, somehow, to have it said aloud hurt. He hid his pain though, merely arching a brow. "Are you saying you don't want me?"

"No," Thranduil said slowly. "I'm saying it would be better for you if you didn't want me."

"Are you going to pretend you don't want it as well? That you don't want this from me."

"You have no idea what I want. Don't think for a moment that I would be kind."

"What makes you think I want kindness?" Kili asked back and wrapped his arms around Thranduil's neck. "I could die very soon, very violently. I don't need love just a pretty lie."

Thranduil swallowed. He had done what he was supposed to do and Kili's eyes were dark and enticing and every look since his arrival had been an open invitation to Thranduil. And Thranduil did want him, wanted to lay him down in the sheets and devour him, worship him until he forgot the weight of the world and the passing of time.

"If you don't leave right now I will never let you go. I will spread you out, slice you open, and hollow you out bit by bit. You will be mine and I will devour you whole. If you do not want that, then leave."

Fear crawled up Kili's arms and settled between his shoulder blades. Its cold hand reached out and gently squeezed his throat tighter and tighter with every one of Thranduil's words. But at the same time every nerve in his body was alight from excitement, his blood burned with it. He wanted exactly what Thranduil had threatened him with and more.

He looked up at Thranduil, ancient and wild and dangerous and said, "Do your worst."

Thranduil's large hands surrounded his face. "You have no idea what you agreed to."

"I'm not afraid", Kili replied, more focused on the curl of Thranduil's lips than on his words.

"You should be." And then Thranduil finally kissed him. Nothing could have prepared him for that kind of kiss, for the savagery of it, the strength of his hands which held his head in place. The kiss dragged on, dark and deep and vicious and Kili's hands tore mindlessly at Thranduil's clothes until he found skin.

Nothing in his life had been quite as rewarding as feeling the tremble of Thranduil's body when Kili touched him. Thranduil wanted him just as much as Kili wanted him and that alone was a heady realisation.

When Thranduil pinned him to the bed they were both still fully clothed but it seemed to matter little at the moment. Not when Thranduil's eyes were untamed and dangerous like the ocean during a storm. Apart from where Thranduil held Kili's wrists over his head their bodies didn't touch and the anticipation was worse than anything else, each of them waiting for the other to make the next move.

Slowly, deliberately, Kili tilted his head back and bared his neck. It was a sign of submission and Thranduil took it as such.

The first touch of Thranduil's lips against his throat felt like a lightning bolt hitting a tree. From there on it was a mad frenzy, all pretences gone. They tore each other's clothes off, eager to reach as much skin as soon as possible.

Thranduil sunk his teeth into Kili's skin again and again and Kili, forgetting his strength, left bruises all over Thranduil's body, his arms and legs, his hips and neck. They were dancing right on the edge and every move, every touch could send them right into the abyss of force and violence that would destroy absolutely everything.

It was that danger that kept them going. That and the knowledge that they could do anything, take everything from each other and it was so tempting. Thranduil detangled his fingers from Kili's hair and let go of him for a moment to give him a last chance to escape. But Kili, skin flushed and eyes as dark and dangerous as the Mirkwood, followed him. His lips brushed Thranduil's ear as he whispered, "Ruin me." Because he could see that Thranduil was too out of control to be careful, and Kili didn't want careful, didn't want kindness. He wanted Thranduil exactly how he was all flaws and sharp edges cutting into him, he wanted his savage beauty and vicious darkness. He wanted Thranduil to burn him alive and ruin him for anyone else.

And so he did.

"This is better than love", Kili said afterwards, still breathless.

"You say that now." Apart from the bruises on his skin Thranduil looked immaculate. It made Kili want to give it another go, just to see what it would take to ruin that perfectly false image Thranduil was projecting of himself with magic and determination.

"You say that like I'm going to regret it one day."

"You will."

"I won't live that long." Kili had never been more certain of his own mortality. He'd escaped death by the skin of his teeth one too many times by now. Be it Smaug's fire or an orc's axe or Thranduil's long fingers around his throat, he would die and soon. He knew it with the same certainty he knew the sun to rise. "I should go", he said, picking up his clothes. "Or your guards will start to gossip."

"They do little else", Thranduil replied, stretching out on the bed like a lazy cat. "When they're not drinking their way through my wine cellar."

Kili snorted and pulled his tunic over his head.

"And Kili – "

"Yes?"

"Tell Thorin I hope his escape plan is at least original." Kili couldn't resist the smug grin on Thranduil's face, like a cat that had caught the canary, and kissed him again. "I'll tell him."

"Good. If you haven't fled by then, I shall see you tonight."

"Are you trying to make me stay behind?"

"If you explain the reason for doing so truthfully to your uncle while I can witness it, I might."

"As tempting as that is, I don't think so."

"Very well. The guards outside will take you back to your cell."

"You do this often, don't you?" Kili asked, his hand on the doorknob.

"Every now and then."

"Until next time, then", Kili said and slipped out of the door.


End file.
